How many times have I been hopeful that this time, the relationship will be different; that I’ll find the happiness I’ve been looking for? Things looked promising at first – going on dates, talking on the phone, chilling out together – but sooner or later things changed. How many times have I wondered, “What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Is it something I said? Is it the way I look? Is there something that puts a man off me? Is it that I’m too direct and speak my mind? Or not direct enough? Am I too willing to please? Do I appear needy? Or seem desperate? Or cold or…?”
….. Although I am seeking “the one”, there is still the need for a deeper, more meaningful relationship that will endure the ups and downs of my life. I want to be filled with a joy that is not dependent on my situation. Only God’s love can do this. I know that I am loved despite my past bad decisions, despite my failed relationships, despite my low self-esteem, despite me not having the prettiest, longest legs, the most pert behind or voluptuous bosom, and despite my panda eyes… I just want to be loved, truly loved.
I realise that I need the constant reassurance of God’s love for me. He does love me. I know it in my head. I see it in the words on the pages of the Bible. But often I do not feel it in my heart. It’s tragic, but true.
I often have to repeat these words over and over again, just to convince myself of His love for me.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.”
(Jeremiah 31:3)
I believe over time the more I repeat His Words to me, the more I feel His love healing my broken heart. So if I have to repeat it a hundred times a day then that is what I will do.
I encourage you to repeat His Words of love until you believe it too.
From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016