WORDS CAN HELP OR HURT

Don’t say anything that would hurt another person.  Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help where ever it is needed.  That way, what you say will help those who hear you.

Ephesians 4:29

In a world that celebrates being in a relationship, with a church culture that elevates the value of marriage and family, it can be tough being single. 

It is painful to hear, and to be taught, that God will provide the desire of your heart when that has not been your experience in relation to his provision of a husband, or wife. You can be left feeling isolated, alone and that you don’t fit in to the married clique.

Within the church setting I have found that people can be insensitive towards single women, and at times single men.  Especially in the church where you may have grown up, or you are known to a lot of people, it doesn’t help to get comments like, “when are you getting married?” Or if people you know haven’t seen you for a while, “are you not married yet?!”

Then you know things are really bad when you are older and if your single status is mentioned and you happen to say you would like to be married, the following comment is made in shock and disbelief!… “Really!!  You still want to get married at your age!!” (Believe me… It has happened! People say these things! Or the looks speak instead.)

Yes comments can be hurtful.  I do not think that people mean to be hurtful in what they say, it may not be their intention, but that doesn’t mean that their words do not cause pain.  People need to think more before they speak.  Consider if the words they are saying our helpful, words that are good for the other person.  Consider how they would feel if they were single and would like to be married and someone said those words to them. 

When we consider that there are more single women in church, many of whom would like to get married, and there is an unequal number of men available, such comments are not only hurtful but also unhelpful.  As someone once said to me,” if the person’s intention was to introduce me to their brother, cousin or friend in order to help me find a compatible mate, then I could understand they want to help me, but they are doing nothing to help.”

So please consider the words you say, be helpful not hurtful.