I remember a spiritual my grandmother used to sing;
Nobody knows the trouble I see,
Nobody knows but Jesus.
Nobody knows the trouble I see
Glory hallelujah!
Sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down
Oh, yes, Lord
Sometimes I’m almost to the ground
Oh, yes, Lord.
These words encapsulate the way I feel at times. As an older single woman I have struggled with my singleness. Because despite what some people may think the single life is not always what it’s cracked up to be! (No doubt some married people may say that marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either!! Maybe the grass does look greener from the other side!)
When a lot of your family and friends are married, with children and you are the “odd one out” there are times it doesn’t feel good to be single. Even my niece who I had held in my arms as a baby had a partner and two children!! How bad can it get?!
I didn’t think anyone understood the pain I felt inside. Loneliness only made the situation harder to bear. It’s not that I wasn’t busy or had nothing to do, it wasn’t that I didn’t have friends or a social life … it was just feeling as though something was missing from my life… that I was alone.
By chance I opened up and spoke to a friend about how I was feeling, only to find that she was also experiencing some of the same things! It helped me to know that someone else could identify with what I was going through and was going through it themselves. As the saying goes “He who feels it knows it.”
I believe that no matter what we are going through in life, no matter how challenging, we can be reassured that someone, somewhere, at some time has been in a similar situation before and has come through the other side to experience a brighter day. Your issues may not be mine. Singleness has been the” thorn in my flesh” but only you can know what causes you pain. Whatever it is I would encourage you to share your burden with someone you trust who you think will be understanding. As the saying goes “a problem shared is a problem halved.”
At times it may be necessary to speak to a counsellor. I found this to be a safe and supportive place to express and explore how I felt without thinking I was being judged.
Over many years I have learnt to share my sorrows and pain with my heavenly Father in a Journal. I found writing helped me to express my feelings and get them out rather than have them stew inside me. God has been my therapist, who I can confide in, and His Word has been therapy to heal my broken spirit and emotions.
I LOVE reading the bible. You find experiences of bible characters, including many women whose lives were not picture perfect. Just like us they experienced happy times as well as disappointment, broken dreams, pain and heart ache. Their lives often did not exactly work out as they’d hoped or planned. But one thing is for sure, God was always there for them in their dark times. Through their example we can find encouragement for our lives. The bible has been and continues to be a never ending source of support.
Always remember that even though you may feel alone, be confident that God is with you. God promised he will never leave you alone. I found it helpful to remind myself of these words:
“For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say.” The Lord is my helper I will not fear.” Hebrews 13:5, 6.
Be encouraged.