Author: admin

Don’t say anything that would hurt another person.  Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help where ever it is needed.  That way, what you say will help those who hear you.

Ephesians 4:29

In a world that celebrates being in a relationship, with a church culture that elevates the value of marriage and family, it can be tough being single. 

It is painful to hear, and to be taught, that God will provide the desire of your heart when that has not been your experience in relation to his provision of a husband, or wife. You can be left feeling isolated, alone and that you don’t fit in to the married clique.

Within the church setting I have found that people can be insensitive towards single women, and at times single men.  Especially in the church where you may have grown up, or you are known to a lot of people, it doesn’t help to get comments like, “when are you getting married?” Or if people you know haven’t seen you for a while, “are you not married yet?!”

Then you know things are really bad when you are older and if your single status is mentioned and you happen to say you would like to be married, the following comment is made in shock and disbelief!… “Really!!  You still want to get married at your age!!” (Believe me… It has happened! People say these things! Or the looks speak instead.)

Yes comments can be hurtful.  I do not think that people mean to be hurtful in what they say, it may not be their intention, but that doesn’t mean that their words do not cause pain.  People need to think more before they speak.  Consider if the words they are saying our helpful, words that are good for the other person.  Consider how they would feel if they were single and would like to be married and someone said those words to them. 

When we consider that there are more single women in church, many of whom would like to get married, and there is an unequal number of men available, such comments are not only hurtful but also unhelpful.  As someone once said to me,” if the person’s intention was to introduce me to their brother, cousin or friend in order to help me find a compatible mate, then I could understand they want to help me, but they are doing nothing to help.”

So please consider the words you say, be helpful not hurtful.  

“If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently… in the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness.”
Romans 8:25-26

It can be challenging when we have to wait for things that we desire in life.  We do not always understand God’s ways, God’s timing or God’s plans for us.

I have often been encouraged when I read about Abraham and Sarah who faced a challenge when they had to wait for the promise of a son.  You can read about that in Genesis 15:4, when God told Abraham at the age of 75, “… a son coming from your own body will be your heir”.   However they waited many years and the promise remained unfulfilled.  Had God forgotten?

“Abraham fell face down, he laughed and said to himself, ‘will a son be born onto a man a hundred years old?  Well Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” Genesis 17:17.

 As humans we are weak and we often doubt that things will happen for us when they are taking a long time.  God understands that we are weak, and that sometimes we don’t understand Him, this is why he provides the Holy Spirit to help us in times of weakness. We need to call on Him because God is able to provide us with the strength we need in order to wait patiently for him to answer our prayers.

At the age of one hundred Abraham became a father and Sarah was 90!  God himself said

“Is anything too hard for the Lord?” Genesis 18:14.

Let us continue to remind ourselves that nothing is too hard for the Lord to do.  Whatever you are facing remember, if God can answer the prayers of Abraham and Sarah he can answer that prayer for you too. 

Continue to put your hope in God and wait patiently.

And I will ask the father, and he will give you another comforter (counsellor, helper, intercessor, advocate, strengthener, and standby), that he may remain with you forever.
John 14:16

There might be times in our life when we feel as though we are all alone.
We may be facing disappointment, loss, rejection, unemployment, singleness, there are so many things that can knock us down. It may appear that no one understands what we are going through, or we may not feel able to talk about it.

We can be reassured, that Our Father God understands. He has already sent help in the form of the Holy Spirit, the comforter. He is never too busy to hear our call for help.

Not long ago my mother had lost her bus pass. She had used it to travel to London and somehow it disappeared the following day. She looked everywhere for it, in her bag, in her coat pockets, she couldn’t find it anywhere. She had prayed to find it but it looked as though she would need to get a new pass after all. This would be a long process of completing forms and paying out money to replace it.

When I arrived home a couple of days later, I was greeted by my beaming mum telling me that she had found the pass!
She had felt impressed to look again for the pass and it had been lodged in between some things she had in her bag, and she had not seen it before. How happy she was that God had helped her in her time of need.

Our helper, our comforter never leaves us alone to solve our problems, even small ones. If he can help us with small situations that we deal with each and every day, let us also believe that he will help us when we face the larger challenges of life.
How privileged we are to know that we can call on him at any time because he is with us forever.

Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all of your heart.
Jeremiah 29: 12, 13

When we are single, we can sometimes become preoccupied, with finding a partner.

One of my favourite TV programmes that explores how people find a husband or wife is millionaire matchmaker. It’s fascinating to see that even millionaire’s have problems in finding the right person to marry, and use the services of a matchmaker to help them!

I am struck by the amount of detail that the matchmaker digs out of the person who is seeking a mate, even sometimes asking close friends and family members about the person’s life and what may be stopping them from having the relationship they seek.

The matchmaker often has to draw the person’s attention to their areas of weakness and relationship patterns that may be preventing them from finding love. At times the individual has needed counselling or guidance from a professional in order to help them address issues and move on.

I believe that our Father God should be our first love, and I also believe that he is our ideal matchmaker. When we spend time with God our Father he teaches us about love. If we seek him with all of our heart, he is able to open our eyes to areas in our life that need to change, and help us to make the changes necessary.
If we are willing to do the work daily and to build a relationship with Him, we are actually building a foundation for the future relationship and connection we want to have with a husband or wife.

If we are able to build a strong relationship with God, and maintain it through the many challenges we face in life, then we are in a better position to do the same within a marriage relationship. I believe when we pray and ask our Father God, He is able to find us a mate when he decides the time is right, because he is the ideal matchmaker who knows who is best for us. In finding God we are finding love.

Challenges and problems can appear out of the blue, sometimes we may even feel bombarded by them. It is at those moments, when in the middle of a situation that looks bleak, we may forget the good times, so let’s try and refocus and remember all the good things we are blessed with in life.

There is a song I used to sing as a young child growing up in church, “Count your blessings, and name them one by one.” It inspired me to create a book of blessings, a thank you book. It’s a way for me to record good things that happen in my life – from finding a great skirt on sale to me getting a job that I wanted. I am able to thank God for these things.

Another reason for the book is to recount and remember my blessings when I’m feeling down or overwhelmed. It reminds me of the many wonderful things that have happened, big and small. It enables me to see how God looks after me, maybe at a time when I think He has forgotten me or when things are going wrong. I can read about how He helped me in the past and it renews my hope for the future. It lifts my spirits.

It is also a great opportunity to just be thankful to God for being there for me. I am able to read, remember and thank Him all over again!

We all like to be appreciated for the things that we do. I think it’s a wonderful thing for us to tell God how much we appreciate the good He has done in our lives.

I would encourage you to start a thank you book so you can “Count your blessings and name them one by one.” I hope it will be a source of positive benefits in your life.
Be encouraged.

Abraham believed God would give them a child (Genesis 15:6), but after ten years of waiting he went along with his wife Sarahs’ suggestion to take a second wife, Hagar, Sarah’s maid, and have a child with her (Genesis 16:1-4). Does that mean that Abraham and Sarah didn’t have any faith? Maybe they thought God wanted them to do something to help bring the promise to fulfilment?

We often do not clearly understand God’s ways, or God’s plan. This, and our impatience, can cause us to take matters in our own hands and make a mess in the process. Things are not always as simple as we would like them to be. Or maybe it’s really very simple – we need to leave things alone and allow God to deal with them when He’s ready. In practice, that’s not so easy to do.

When we realise that tests and problems must be expected in life maybe it will help us to have courage. Like doing exercise, it will be difficult at each new level, but gradually we become fitter and stronger over time. So let us keep focused and persevere.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
(James 1:2-4, NIV).
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

At times we look at other people’s lives and, from the outside, it appears that they have it all. So many things seem to be going right for them.
… There have been times when I’ve walked down the high street, seen pregnant women or mum’s with babies, and felt sad and upset. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach as I considered that this experience, this blessing of carrying a baby in my womb, may never be a part of my life. I felt a sense of grief; a sense of loss.

….. It is not easy to see others being blessed over and over again when our situation remains the same – and to still remain gracious. We don’t always handle this too well.
…..Sometimes when the thing we want isn’t happening we get upset with others, or even ourselves, when maybe we are afraid to admit we are angry with God. But how can we tell anyone that – much less say it to God Himself? And yet, we need to be honest with ourselves and God.

….The truth is, God does not do things in the way we expect or think. He allows us to go through difficulties, but He is always there to hear us when we call to Him for help, and He will support us through the challenges we face.
He reassures us that life will be better if we have Hope,
“You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope.” (Job 11:16-18).
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

I have a number of close friends whose weddings I have attended. They’ve now been married for years – some 5 or even 15 years or more! Most have children. Some have been married, divorced and remarried. Where has the time gone? So quickly, yet so slowly, as things change, yet remain the same for me… being single when you want to be married is not easy.

….. God knows when our heart is breaking. He knows the pain and sadness we experience. He is not far away from us – He’s near. He is always close by our side to comfort us and take us through the difficulties and challenges we face. Yes, we may be tempted to lose hope and give up on Him, because we think He is taking so very long to sort out what we want. But instead, let us keep trusting in His love and mercy.

There is so much compassion shown in His Word, let us keep meditating on those Words that can lift our spirit. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18).
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

Singleness had been a good thing, but at mid-30 something it was no longer fun, and that didn’t improve with age! I felt alone and that God had forgotten me.
It seemed as though everyone around me was getting married and having children. I didn’t feel that there were many people who could understand or relate to my situation as an older single woman. I think some people assumed that because I was older, I could cope with being single, or that I didn’t want to get married!

I talked to God about the specific issues I was facing and how I was feeling. I also opened up about how I felt to a couple of my single female friends. I realised they shared many of the frustrations and pains that I was experiencing! We were all affected in different ways, but somehow we never let it show. We held our hurt inside and out of sight. How many reading this are walking around hurting for one reason or another, afraid to show it? For me, it helped to know that I was not alone.

…To help me manage the pain, I pray and look for Bible promises to encourage myself. I read them over and over again to remind myself that God loves me and will be there for me. I believe He is there with me…. And He will be there for you too.
“Can a mother forget her child and not have love for her own son? Yet even if that should be, I will not forget you.”
(Isaiah 49:15, Living Bible TLB)
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

I have been pleasantly uplifted and encouraged by several weddings over the past few years.
One lady told me that her greatest joy was seeing her daughter get married recently. Her daughter had been in a number of relationships that hadn’t worked out, and struggled to raise her children in difficult circumstances. Finally she placed herself back onto a path of success by being where God wanted her. Then, after praying and waiting for such a long time to have a husband, God answered her prayer in her late 40’s. The whole family was overjoyed.

….. When we can’t see things changing from our human perspective, we tend to think that they must therefore be impossible. We judge God according to our human limitations. But God is not limited by earthly constraints. He is the Creator of all things. He is the one who made things appear out of nothing. Who are we to tell God, “It’s too late for me”?

…… I have found that God’s Word provides help for me during the times when I don’t feel anyone understands how I’m feeling. He reassures me that He does understand and I will not be disappointed by the outcome He has planned for me, if I wait on Him to work things out.
“This is what the Lord says: ‘In the time of my favour I will answer you.’” (Isaiah 49:8).
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016