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When I consider that the Bible says “…. a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31) I do not believe that I am misguided in asking God for a husband and hoping to receive one.
I was not made to remain alone. I was created to be a part of a special, intimate relationship. Our desire for companionship, expressed through marriage, is to be acknowledged as a basic human need. It is a vital component of our design. It’s the way we were made by God.

I accept that there are those who have the “gift” of being single. For them, singleness is absolutely right, and I don’t devalue them for a moment. But I do believe that the ability to remain single all your life is a special gift. It is not something that everyone is able to do.

The apostle Paul stayed single his whole life and said, “I wish that all men were as I am…” He said this because he had in mind his ability to focus single-mindedly on spreading the Gospel. But immediately he acknowledged;
“…But each man has his own gift from God, one has this gift, another has that … It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

….I choose to have hope and believe Gods Word that says …“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
Whatever our gift let us remain occupied. Let us work and use our talents and abilities to do all the good we can for others.
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

At times I have become frustrated with some people when discussing the relationship issue. When I’ve mentioned that I’m single and I would like to be married, they have answered with some platitude like, “Well, just ask God” or “Pray about it.” As if I had somehow not thought of doing this for all these years, and completely neglected to pray to God about the situation!

….To “just ask” sounds simple enough, but as an older woman wanting to get married, what exactly am I asking for in this world of complex relationships that we live in?
What man would make the best husband? A man who has never been married? A divorcee? With children? Without children? Widower?
Should I try internet dating? Speed dating? A long distance relationship? Blind date?

Modern relationships seem like such a minefield that it would appear easier not to bother with marriage at all, but I am not going to go down the “living together” route, I don’t think it’s a choice that my Heavenly Father would advocate and I would like His approval.

…. So because God is wise and has better judgement than I do, I am asking Him to provide a good husband for me and to help me to prepare to be a good wife.
I am asking God to remember to answer my prayer, just as He remembered Hannah when she asked Him for a child.
“The Lord remembered her and in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, ‘Because I asked the Lord for him.’” (1 Samuel 1:19-20).

Nothing is impossible for God.
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

I really like the story of Leah and Rachel in the bible, they were two sisters who ended up marrying the same man, and it caused so much drama. (You can read more about them in Genesis chapters 29 and 30. They had issues!
“Now Laban had two daughters, the name of the older was Leah and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful.” (Genesis 29:16-17)

I’m sure Leah is not unique in having “weak eyes” (whatever that may be, let’s call it “issues”). We all have issues – those “weak” areas in our lives, the things that make us feel vulnerable. It might be a scar we wished we didn’t have, or our height, or weight, or shape, or hair, or nose or tummy or other features … The list goes on. Whatever it is, we have this tender spot that hurts when people make a comment about it because it’s something we don’t like about ourselves. However, we must always remember to see ourselves as God sees us. He does not look at our outward appearance, He looks at our heart and as our Father He loves us deeply.

… Parents play a huge role in a child’s upbringing. What they say and do, and how they treat their children, contributes to the process of moulding a child’s character, self-esteem and confidence. Fathers play a vital role in helping their daughters to feel valued and secure in their love. I believe this lays a healthy foundation for the way a woman will view herself in the future.

To not feel valued or loved by your father can deeply affect how you feel about yourself. It can lead to an emptiness inside; to a sense of never feeling good enough; feelings of rejection; to be always seeking love, sometimes in the wrong places; it can lead to bad relationship choices. … But no matter what kind of ….father we have had, we can be sure that our Father God is not like that. He is compassionate and loving and His love is unshakable.

Let us be encouraged by His Word today, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken… says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”(Isaiah 54:10).

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

There are times in life when we experience pain, physical pain or emotional pain. It can be difficult to cope.

My mum has arthritis. She has swelling and pain in her knees and hands, which makes it very difficult to move around and to do everyday activities. Being in constant pain is no joke. She finds that the only way she can live is to fight the pain with painkillers; eat and drink healthy, natural foods; keep active and mobile. She is determined not to allow arthritis to stop her living the best life she can, doing things she enjoys and finding happiness in time spent with her family and friends.
I admire my mum. She tries hard not to let things get her down, even though they might sometimes. She keeps fighting back.

There is a lot I can learn from her attitude to life and the problem of pain. My painful issue is singleness. It never used to be an issue, but with age, like arthritis, it has become increasingly painful, mentally and emotionally. For a long time I felt crushed by the hopelessness inside me, but God has shown me in His Word that He can heal pain. Like a painkiller, His Word brings relief. I need to apply it each time the painful thoughts, feelings and situations overwhelm me.

I know from experience that life can be painful at times, but I have also learned to find healing in God’s Word. When you need comfort here is one of my favourite verses that I hope will help you:
“For the Lord comforts His people, and will have compassion on His afflicted ones … see, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands … those who hope in Me will not be disappointed.” (Isaiah 49:13, 16, 23).
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

How many times have I been hopeful that this time, the relationship will be different; that I’ll find the happiness I’ve been looking for? Things looked promising at first – going on dates, talking on the phone, chilling out together – but sooner or later things changed. How many times have I wondered, “What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Is it something I said? Is it the way I look? Is there something that puts a man off me? Is it that I’m too direct and speak my mind? Or not direct enough? Am I too willing to please? Do I appear needy? Or seem desperate? Or cold or…?”

….. Although I am seeking “the one”, there is still the need for a deeper, more meaningful relationship that will endure the ups and downs of my life. I want to be filled with a joy that is not dependent on my situation. Only God’s love can do this. I know that I am loved despite my past bad decisions, despite my failed relationships, despite my low self-esteem, despite me not having the prettiest, longest legs, the most pert behind or voluptuous bosom, and despite my panda eyes… I just want to be loved, truly loved.

I realise that I need the constant reassurance of God’s love for me. He does love me. I know it in my head. I see it in the words on the pages of the Bible. But often I do not feel it in my heart. It’s tragic, but true.
I often have to repeat these words over and over again, just to convince myself of His love for me.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.”
(Jeremiah 31:3)

I believe over time the more I repeat His Words to me, the more I feel His love healing my broken heart. So if I have to repeat it a hundred times a day then that is what I will do.
I encourage you to repeat His Words of love until you believe it too.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright ©Paula J Campbell 2016

I can hardly believe the depths of emotional pain I’ve experienced over the years in dealing with singleness in my late thirties and forties. I never felt that way in my teens, twenties or early thirties. Things were generally fine and fun. I was enjoying being single, going on dates, having relationships when the opportunity arose.
….We may think we are more than able to handle a crisis, or challenging situations, but when faced with them we crumble…

However, what I have learnt from this experience is that no matter what kind of deep water we are in, no matter how strong the winds are blowing against us, we can guarantee that Jesus will be there to comfort us, give us courage, and hold us up and save us. We must call Him.

If we are in need of medical assistance, the police or the fire department, we call 999 to get help. We must learn to call on Jesus, just as He continually called on His Father when He prayed on the mountain. Through prayer we too can receive strength to deal with our situations, whether it’s in advance or while we are going through them.
“O Lord be gracious unto us; we have waited for thee. Be thou their arm every morning, our salvation also in the time of trouble.” (Isaiah 33:2).
Be encouraged.

From the book In the Waiting room – finding hope and inspiration when facing disappointment, by Paula J Campbell.
Copyright © Paula J Campbell 2016

As a single person I have missed having a special someone to share my life with, but then I consider … what would life be like without anyone to share it with?!!
If we are blessed to have family and friends in our life then let us take some time to let them know how special they are.

There is a saying, “To have friends you must show yourself to be friendly.” (Or at least that’s the general idea). I have found great value in having family and friends, for me some friends are close like family. I also know people who have family that are not their friends, it can all be a strange mix.

I believe we have a need to feel accepted, loved, cared for and appreciated. To know that we have someone to turn to in time of need, people who we look out for and whose company we like to be around. In looking back on our life it would be good to know there are people whose lives we touched in a positive way, that somehow in some way their lives was made a little brighter because we were there for them.

My son reminded me recently that we must arrange a family fun day. I had been busy and it hadn’t really been on my mind but he remembered that we generally set a date and hope that it doesn’t rain!
As many of our family who can make it would turn up. My mum is always happy to have her brood around her – kids, grand kids and great gran kids! We bring food, have a picnic in the park and play ball games, rounder’s, or sit, chat and eat! It’s all fun, a time to relax, catch up and be together.

My grand –nephew seems to place the same value on family. For his birthday he wanted family to come around to his home and get together for dinner, order pizza and eat cake, and play games together.

The importance of family and friends is often in the small things, spending time and sharing special moments. Let us value those we love and build treasured memories that never fade away.
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24).

One of our greatest needs is to be loved, to know that we are loved unconditionally by someone. When parents, family, or friends show us love we feel special and valued.
I believe it’s important for us to hear words of love spoken in order to build up our inner spirit and our self-esteem. When we have been hurt by the words of others, healing words help to soothe the pain. Many of these words of healing can be found in the bible that Our Heavenly Father has specifically given to help us through challenges we face in life.

Here is some special encouragement that He’s written in His letter to you…

My Dearest Child,

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart…
(Jeremiah 1:5)
I have loved you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
For I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
My purpose is to give [you] a rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10 NLT)
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! (John 15: 7 NLT)

You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. (Matthew 5:14 -16)

For I hold you by your right hand … and I say to you,
“Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you”. (Isaiah 41:13 NLT).
When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1:2 -4)

You will forget your misery; it will be like water flowing away. Your life will be brighter than the noonday. Even darkness will be as bright as morning. Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety. (Job 11:16-18 NLT)

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27 NLT)
Trust … in me… I am going to prepare a place for you… When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. (John 14: 2, 3)

Remain in my love. (John 15:9)
DAD

As a child I looked forward to the sound of the postman pushing letters through the door and would often run to see if there was a letter for me! It made me feel extra special to receive a letter from my cousin, because she lived in Derby and I lived in London we rarely saw each other, so it was fun to write. In my twenties I met people from other countries while travelling, therefore letter writing was a great way to keep in contact.

Maybe in the 21st century we have replaced letter writing with emails, texts, and instant messaging, but I think there is still something beautiful about sending and receiving a hand written letter, card, or short note. I like the stationary, the writing styles, the pictures on cards, but most of all the personal message that is contained within that means so much to me.

Unlike a conversation which can be forgotten in part over time, a letter is more tangible and may be preserved for years, it can be read and reread over and again. However a letter can be sent to us but we can choose to never open it and read it.

We all have the opportunity to read a personal letter from our dad, our heavenly Father, God. He has so much that he wants to let us know that it fills up a whole book, the bible. 2 Corinthians 6:18 says,
“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”
But the question remains do we value having a relationship with Him and will we take the time to read what He says?

Next time you hear the post drop through your letterbox, remember that Your Heavenly Father loves you and has a letter for you to read.

Recently at my place of work, as we were busy getting on with our day, the fire alarm went off. Sometimes there is a system check that makes a sound for a few moments to ensure that everything is operating properly, and then it would stop. However it was not one of those days. As the sound continued we knew that we had to evacuate the building and this would not be an easy task. Was it a real fire or a drill? We did not know, but our aim was to get out as soon as possible.
The students that we support have various disabilities, sensory impairments and mobility problems, some were in wheelchairs, and we were situated on the first floor, unable to use the lift.
We slowly guided those students with some mobility down the stairs. Staff also prepared the rescue mats for students unable to walk and after wrapping them securely we safely lowered them down the stairs, moving them outside to the meeting point. We provided reassurance to students along the way.
We discovered thankfully that it was just a test! It was good to know that there was not a fire and everybody in the building was ok. However, trying to evacuate everyone as quickly as possible had been a stressful experience. Tests are necessary but they can be challenging, sometimes under pressure you forget what you need to do; sometimes you may feel panic; feel overwhelmed or lose confidence in your ability to cope with the situation. That is when it helps to remain calm, regain composure and remember the training.
Life can be like a test. You don’t know what it will throw at you next or how you will cope with it. But it helps if you have some training. Having a plan of action can help a great deal to refocus the mind and enable us to cope better.
One Valentine’s weekend I was in church listening to the speaker talk about marriage and the importance of marriage and family. The symbolism of marriage was used to explore how close and intimate our relationship with Jesus can be. It was a really good message. There was a prayer for all of us to have a better relationship with God, yet somehow at the end it left me feeling sad.
Married couples were asked to come forward for special prayer, which is fine and good, however there are many like me who are not married and would like to be. I felt excluded, that my unmet need was not even recognised (though I’m sure it was not intentional, it hurt nonetheless). Suddenly I felt overwhelmed and couldn’t top the tears from falling, I quickly escaped to the bathroom to try and contain the flood that may follow.
“Lord help me, please help me” was all I could say. I reminded myself of my “ training” in the Word. I needed to believe that my Heavenly Father would supply all my needs (Philippians 4:19,) even though I couldn’t see how or when. His Word also told me that He loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). So even without a husband and without a Valentine I am still loved and I am still special.
This is not easy to believe and hold on to when I can’t see God in person, when I don’t have a husband by my side, when I haven’t received a valentine’s card, chocolate, perfume or any such thing from an admirer. It’s difficult to feel comforted by the invisible when you need a tangible hug.
Yet I find myself coming back to my training. I have to keep reminding myself every time of my training in Gods Word and refocus my mind on His promises anytime doubts and fears surface. This is Just a test! I choose to believe what the Word of God says and have faith in God’s love for me, rather than believe my feelings. His Love will get me though the testing times. When I feel weak, that I can’t bear another minute, I need to remain calm as I remind myself of His Promises, regain my composure and remember it’s just a test.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” James 1:2-4
We need to remember the test has a purpose. To make us firm, determined, immovable in our faith and trust in God. It’s an opportunity to grow; it’s a character building experience.
I can’t say it was a “Joy” to go through the fire test. I can’t say it’s a “Joy” not to have a husband or no valentine on Valentine’s Day. But I do have a joy inside when I believe God loves me unconditionally – despite my imperfections. Therefore I plan to stick with Him, He aims to develop me and make me complete. He wants to do that for each one of us. That sounds good to me!
Be encouraged.